Changing colour.

I haven’t been able to write for a while due to a bad case of the mauves. This is something in between the blues and the mean reds.

For those of you that haven’t heard of the mean reds, see below: audrey

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?

Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

Paul Varjak: Sure.

Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany’s. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that’d make me feel like Tiffany’s, then – then I’d buy some furniture and give the cat a name! (Breakfast at Tiffany’s 1961)

Plus it gives me an excuse to put up a picture of Audrey Hepburn. And everyone loves one of those.

I tried to write a post about being made redundant a while ago. I couldn’t quite get the words out. After a long time in a well paid job, here I am at 41, three children at school, in a village where most of the other mothers are working, the Doctor’s career on the up as usual, and life has stalled. I know it’s not very serious. But for now I’m unsure where I fit. I’m working on it.

Other than my four year old repeatedly asking me to search for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that he thinks his dad has bought him and hidden in the house somewhere (he hasn’t) and winking at me every evening before bed saying ‘Remember what I said Mummy’, some other things have cheered me up in the last few days. This explanation of the current weather conditions in England is one of them. I also recommend going to visit Andra, 23 thorns and Ned Hickson, if you need a reason to smile.

It’s the small things that can dig you out.

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20 thoughts on “Changing colour.

  1. What a great way to write that you haven’t been able to write! I love the analogies and the bad case of the mauves. I am almost 50 and feeling similarly except for my kiddos are older and hardly home. I find myself on my own doing a lot of reflecting. It can be dangerous, though. Hang in there and I hope your color changes to bright sunny yellow, soon. 🙂

  2. Our cycles must be similar, because I have been beyond blue this week. I never thought to call it a case of the mauves. That’s brilliant.

    I’m 44, and my business was walloped when the economy went south. It has never really recovered. Hence, the writing. And, you’re right. It is brutal to watch a spouse flourish while I flounder. I still love him, and I am very proud of him, but it is hard on the old ego in my mauvest moments.

    May you break free to get outside, eat something delectable that’s just for you, and enjoy your longest day. The combinations of blue and green and gold have to push out some of the mauve. At least, I hope they do. Hang in there.

    • Thanks Andra. Funny that you picked up on the Doctor comment – he works incredibly hard and deserves his success but you’re right I want to say ‘what about me?’sometimes. I’ll get over it 😉

  3. it’s all about the small moments. and distraction! sometimes i just keep myself moving, meet a friend, even clean a closet.. and suddenly, i’ve moved through the reds and the blues back to yellow. life isn’t easy, but a new day is always dawning. hope your sun comes out soon.

  4. And now i have Moon River playing over and over in my head. I suppose it could be worse! In a few days, I expect to have the blues. I just saw the forecast and it was “rain with a risk of thunderstorms, possibly severe at times” for the next 7 days!!!! I’ve been trying to figure out where I fit for a long time – it can be frustrating…but at the same time, it’s kind of nice to not have the same deadlines and pressures. Aim for the yellows – they’re delicious!

  5. A few nights ago I went to bed, grumbling about something or other as usual. Under my pillow there was a Tiffany box. For no other reason that my husband is occasionally super wonderful (just plain good the rest of the time). Holly is right: there is nothing like that blue to cheer you up.
    If it can make you it feel better, I live in the relentless sun and I would happy trade some clouds right now. You are smart and funny – you will fit in wherever you decide you want to fit in. My iPhone says you are having some sun coming your way on Sunday. Enjoy!

    • Yes Becky is good isn’t she?

      I can believe that about Ireland. We used to have proper Summers but I can’t remember the last decent one – anything above about 20C (which is a miracle in itself) and my 9 year old is complaining that he’s melting in the extreme heat 😉

  6. I’ve never heard of the mauves before and I really like it. I think that may be a great way of describing my occasional meet with mellow…

    I’m sorry to hear you were made redundant. I guess one might think of this as an opportunity to some of those wonderful things you never had time to do previously, because you were so busy working! Lots of weird and wonderful activities with the children, Redecorate or move the house around, lots of coffee, juice and sandwiches out and about. Walks in the park. Offer your skills to a NFP 🙂 They can always use some assistance and it gives you a sense of purpose too, when feeling a bit lost.

    Great read, thanks for sharing 🙂

    Miss Lou

    • Thanks 🙂 I’ve worked since I was 13 in some form, it’s actually really hard to have stopped. I like my independence…. Hard to teach my daughter that she’ll have to work for those shoes she wants when she’s older, if I’m not doing the same! 😉

  7. I love the Holly Golightly script! I must remember the mean reds; if only Tiffanys would solve mine…It’s hard when the world values income-earning high achievers. But you listen to the kids and you know you have made the right decision. I love the story of the ninja-turtle pact
    😀 And I think your priorities are in just the right place.

    • Thanks 🙂 the littlest one always makes me smile.

      Now if I could just move on, think of what to write next and stop asking people for advice on my job applications!

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